Woohoo, it’s our Birthday!

Married to the Ministry podcast turned a year old this June, and I’m delighted you’re here to celebrate with me today. 

If you’d like to hear the entire conversation, click below to listen now!

Episode Description: Married to the Ministry celebrates our first anniversary this month! In this birthday episode, we explore what God’s Word says about our peculiar role as ministry wives. Spoiler alert: you’re probably doing it right! But if you’re feeling unsure about what you’re “supposed to do” as a pastor’s wife, check out this encouraging podcast. 

For some awesome materials for ministers, click here for LWF pastor resources and here for Mrs. Joyce Roger’s book Chosen To Be A Minister’s Wife.

Have I ever shared with you how this podcast came to be? 

Last year I escaped to the mountains for a personal prayer retreat, some time away with the Lord. I left real life behind for a few days and only took my Bible and prayer journals and a few study books to keep me company. While praying, I clearly felt the Lord prompting me to call my old boss at Love Worth Finding Ministries, where I’d worked years ago transcribing Pastor Adrian Rogers’ sermons. By the way, Best. Job. Ever! 

Since my professional background is writing and editing, I expected proofreading or copywriting work, but no! The LWF team wanted to start a podcast just for pastors’ wives but didn’t know who should host it. Both LWF and I feel strongly that pastors’ families need more encouragement and support, so here we are! 

This assignment fell WAY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE…

But I chose to obey because prayer and Bible study birthed this ministry. That’s how God speaks to us–through prayer and time in His Word.

It’s been interesting to study and record and talk with other women about the pastor wife life. What a unique position we play, a peculiar position almost. That word “peculiar” feels appropriate to me because being a pastor’s wife feels odd and perplexing because no set job description fits us. 

Depending on what our husband’s role looks like, where we serve, what our church expects of us, and what our personal gifting are—that’s going to look different for each of us. So I feel like we ministry wives are often frustrated because we’re not sure what to do or how to do it. But God’s Word always has the answers we’re looking for.

In Deuteronomy 14, God explains to the children of Israel what it means to be His children, but it also speaks to me about the call to ministry. Verse 2 says “for thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God, and the Lord hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto Himself.” 

If God chose my husband into this peculiar role unto Himself, then He’s called me too, because Greg and I are one. So even if I didn’t have the same kind of call experience my husband got, I got a call too, because I’m with him.

 

What does Scripture show us about being a pastor’s wife?

In Luke we meet a great example of a ministry wife, Elizabeth (see episode 1 of this podcast). We know she had a busy priest husband, Zecharias, we know she had personal heartache because she was barren, we know she was surrounded by church people who were all up in their business and freely shared their opinions. But in Luke 1:6 we see—“And they were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord.” Elizabeth walked with God and she supported her husband’s walk with the Lord.

In Proverbs 31, we see another virtuous wife of noble character and trustworthy in her marriage. Plus, she keeps the family and the home running smoothly. Verse 12 says she does her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Titus 2 echoes these concepts again, encouraging women to teach each other to love their husbands and their children, to be keepers at home, to be self-controlled, kind, and respectful of their husbands so no one will malign or bad-mouth the Word of God.

 

How does that work in real life?

• You’re a Christ follower, so you should be walking with Jesus. In His Word, obeying His commands, filled with His Spirit—that’s the only way we’re going to be kind and self-controlled like Titus 2 says and righteous and blameless like Elizabeth was.
• You’re a wife, so your job is to do your husband good and not harm every day, to love and support him—NOT the church necessarily—in whatever ways bless your husband, and that might involve a conversation with him about what that looks like in your marriage.
• You’re a home keeper, even if you’re also employed outside the home. Create a peaceful, loving environment where your family can blossom and grow and learn to walk with the Lord. And that will change over time, depending on if you have kids or no kids in the house, and your stage of life. But again, talk with your husband about what being a “keeper at home” needs to look like for your family right now, especially if you have job responsibilities.
• You’re gifted. Be who God created you to be, using the talents He gave you and the time He allows you after you’re doing these other three things well. Ministry should flow from God’s work in our hearts and our spiritual gifts. 

My job as a pastor’s wife is NOT to fill all the holes at church when others don’t step up. My job is not to lead women’s ministry or teach children’s Sunday school or play the piano just because I’m the pastor’s wife—unless Greg and I both agree God is calling me to a specific ministry like that. And I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly not going to be able to take on three or four commitments at church and do them well plus love my husband and family well and manage our home well and worship God well and keep myself emotionally and mentally well! 

 

You’ve got this! 

Nobody at church knows how to be your pastor husband’s wife, so you get to shape what that looks like. Lean into this role in a way that blesses your husband and that brings you joy.

Don’t you already know deep down what you want your pastor wife personna to look like?

Embrace that ideal God planted in you and get comfortable with who you are in Him.

Throw off the guilt that you’re not “whatever” enough. 

Throw off expectations you put on yourself and walk the path God ordained for you!

If you need to use notes when you’re speaking to a group (or on a podcast) because you get nervous, then be real and use notes. If you hate playing piano, then serve the Lord with gladness another way. If you’d rather help in the kitchen during Wednesday night fellowship dinner instead of teaching a class on Sunday mornings, then do it to the glory of God.

If you feel stressed or resentful or exhausted in ministry or in your marriage, let me encourage you to take some time this summer away from the busy-ness of life—spend time in prayer and reading the Word. Get away for a day or weekend by yourself if you can. It can be easy for us to let our hectic schedules and the tyranny of the urgent in ministry suck the joy and abundance right out of our life in Christ.

Talk with the Lord and ask Him…

• • Am I busy doing too many things that You didn’t ask me to do?
  • Am I NOT doing what You did tell me to do?
  • Do I need the joy of my salvation restored?

Then be still and listen to what He whispers to you. 

Who knows…maybe God will give you a vision for a new season of ministry like He did for me. Maybe He will convict you of sin you need to confess. But be open to hear what God says to you and respond with a heart of obedience.

Your husband does not want a miserable wife, and your church does not want a miserable pastor’s wife. But so often we’re juggling too many expectations in misery and we need to let some things go.

In 1 Peter 2:9 God calls us His peculiar people, His holy nation, because He called us out of darkness into His marvelous light. Titus 2:14 tells us Jesus redeemed us so He could purify us unto Himself to be a peculiar people who were zealous of good works, not resentful! 

Throughout the New Testament we’re told to put off the habits of the old man, to put on the attributes and attitudes of Jesus. We are to be holy, which means to be set apart. As God purifies us and sanctifies us to be more like Him, we will become more peculiar when we have the mind of Christ, when we walk in closer fellowship with Him, when we rejoice in trials.

And guess what? 

Peculiar doesn’t mean kooky or weird in God’s dictionary. It means treasured possession, His valued jewel! Now isn’t that an exciting perspective on being married to the ministry? I hope this makes your heart happy, friend. 

And I hope some of what I’ve shared today will lead you to prayerfully rethink your role as a ministry wife, especially if you’re feeling confused or lost. I pray that you can learn to embrace a sense of identity that brings you delight in your ministry and your marriage and your walk with the Lord. 

Thanks for hanging out with me today!

Until next time, let’s keep loving Jesus, loving our husbands, and loving our people! 

*If you would like to help Married to the Ministry to grow and flourish, we’d like to invite you to get involved. Click here to learn more.