Hello, Friend!
Are you juggling a job on top of managing your family and serving at church?
All three of those roles are full-time, aren’t they? And many times they overlap on our schedules and totally drain our energy levels! What’s a hard-working pastor’s wife to do?
I recently talked with Bretta Cochran, full-time pastor’s wife and full-time nurse. Here’s part of our conversation about the challenges of balancing employment with ministry life. If you’d like to hear everything we discussed, click HERE to listen to Bretta’s episode on the Married to the Ministry podcast.
Janet:
Where y’all are serving in ministry right now?
Bretta Cochran:
We’ve been in Tupelo, Mississippi, at West Jackson Street Baptist Church for 10 years, and it is the sweetest … It’s just a wonderful church, just a wonderful church. We are well-loved. It’s been a good first senior pastor church, for sure.
Janet:
Tell us a little bit about your career and how that has affected your family life and your ministry.
Bretta Cochran:
When I was 16 years old, I was a candy striper, just a volunteer at a hospital, and they put me in labor and delivery. And so this hospital was so small, they didn’t deliver a whole lot of babies, and I never got to see a baby delivered, which probably was good at 16. But I was there, and I was hearing the doctors, and I was seeing the patients come in, and I was just soaking it in. And I decided at 16 years old that I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. So I went to school to do that.
At the end of nursing school, I was able to get a job in surgery, and I got comfortable there. So when nursing school was over, I just stayed where I was. I had already learned a lot of the things that I needed to know for that. So I did that until I married Keith. And then I left surgery and went to a heart floor and cried every day going to work because I hated it so, so much. But that was when God moved us the first time, so I only had to do that for six months. And then we went to Florida for the first time, and I had to apply for my Florida license. So I was off for some time because that took longer than I realized it would.
When I finally got my license, a dermatologist in our church hired me. So we would work Monday through Thursday and then half-day Friday. And he was a believer and a member of our church and needed a surgery nurse. So I always laugh. God always goes before. He knows that I need extra help. So he knew which jobs I would need to have. And so the surgery was very beneficial for me in that dermatology, because in Florida there were lots of skin cancers, and so we were doing lots of surgeries every day. So he was just tickled that I could help him and hand him instruments.
Janet:
You had experience.
Bretta Cochran:
Yes, yes. So that was good. And I did that until one month out of having Allie. I did not want to be a working mother when I had my firstborn. So I quit work then, and I stayed off for about five years. And in nursing, that’s the maximum amount you can be off until you lose your license.
Janet:
Then you have to start over.
Bretta Cochran:
So I had to work hard for my license, and I didn’t want to lose it. But then we moved back to Memphis and I got a job at Baptist Hospital working one day a week … until we moved again back to Florida. We jumped from Memphis to Florida, Memphis to Florida quite a bit. But during those times when my kids were super little, I just worked one day a week to keep it up. And then that one day a week became two days a week, then four days a week, just gradually increasing. When my oldest turned 16, I realized that I had to go back to work full-time, so I’ve been working full-time for nine years now.
Janet:
My work experience has always either been part-time or things like freelance writing and stuff at home. I do know when we moved to Arkansas, when we came to our first church, there was really nothing that I could do in that town where we lived. I wasn’t qualified to do much there, and what I was qualified for, there were no jobs there. So that’s got to be a really tough part of being in the ministry and having a career that you lose tenure when you move and you don’t get the shifts that you would want, I would imagine. And the whole licensing complications you’re talking about, that’s really got to be a struggle, especially if you are trying to build a career and move up the ladder. I had not thought of that because that wasn’t my work history.
Bretta Cochran:
Right. I will never be able to reach retirement because I have changed so much that I would be super old, and I don’t want to be nursing when I’m super old, so I’ll never get to that point, but that’s okay. That’s okay. It’s just money.
Janet:
But that’s another level of sacrifice from a professional standpoint that you’ve made to be obedient to the Lord’s leading and to support your husband in ministry. And that probably does not get recognized very much. That’s a big deal. I just want to say hat’s off to you, because I know that’s hard to start over in a new place.
Bretta Cochran:
It is hard to start over, especially when you’re older and you’re having to start over.
Janet:
Sure, because competing with all the new grads probably and things like that.
Bretta Cochran:
Actually, when I first went back full-time, I didn’t know what I wanted to do because I had not done bedside nursing in so long, and medicine changes so frequently. So I wanted to do labor and delivery because I still had not done it. The whole reason I went to school, I still had not achieved my dreams, and I’m in my low forties. But they had their openings in the intensive care unit, and I loved the unit. Every night I went, I learned more and more, but I had to start at the bottom on the night shift. So here I am at 40, 41 doing the night shift with all the young grads, and we had to do seven twelves in a row.
Janet:
Oh, wow.
Bretta Cochran:
So you did seven twelves in a row, and then you were off seven twelves in a row, but it would take two, three days to get back from day sleeping to night sleeping, so it was rough on my body. With those seven days off, I could do a little bit more ministry, but I couldn’t do anything consistent. Keith was pretty adamant that he did not want me coming to church every other week. The problem was the seven-day stretch started on Thursday night, so I worked from Thursday night to the next Wednesday morning. So when Sunday morning came, I had already worked Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night.
Janet:
Then you’d stay up and go to church.
Bretta Cochran:
A little bitterness crept in at that time of my life. I was a zombie because I would get off about 6:15, and then church would start about 9:15. I literally would find myself getting a little bitter at his preaching. I would be critical, like nobody else is having to do this. One time I woke myself up about halfway between the pew and face planting into the carpet. I was just so tired. And his jokes were not funny, and I felt like he was super wordy. He did fine every other week, but those weeks I was over it. The Lord had to do a good work in me just to get me to accept that. It was just a season, about 15 months, and then I moved into labor and delivery after that. God made that dream come true, which was so wonderful!
Janet:
How old were your girls when you were doing all that night work?
Bretta Cochran:
16, 14 and 12.
Janet:
That’s the busiest season of mothering!
Bretta Cochran:
Yes–when their hearts would break, when you talk to your kids, it’s usually at bedtime when they’re ready to open up. And I just wasn’t there half of that time. I missed half of every month basically on a lot of things. Because when you would work for 12 hours and then you would sleep for eight or so and then they would be doing their activities and things, it was difficult.
Janet:
And did you feel any pressure or criticism from your church family?
Bretta Cochran:
Tupelo is a pretty small town, maybe a medium city. Our church is a mainly blue collar church, and most of the women work. There are very few stay-at-home moms. It was almost expected that I would work, so that doesn’t bother a single soul, I don’t think. Some people say, “I wish you didn’t have to work so you could do this or come here or be part of this,” especially my senior adults. We love to hang out with the senior adult team, and I miss a lot of funerals and coffees. I don’t have time to do any of that kind of stuff, so that part’s negative.
Janet:
I’ve been in a situation before where I didn’t work, and a lot of them did. They were not critical of me, but I felt like I was bucking the mold.
Bretta Cochran:
You become a little bit unrelatable when you live a completely different lifestyle than your people.
Janet:
Yes, that’s true. You mentioned you had a little bit of bitterness about your job. How did God bring you through that? Can you be happy about that now, or are you still wishing that wasn’t part of your role right now?
Bretta Cochran:
Obviously I wish I didn’t have to work full-time right now because I do miss out on a lot of ministry and I am stretched thin. Well, I remember when our money was so tight, and I would just beg and beg God to provide for us. And another ministry friend that was real close with Keith, he did not know my heart’s cry. But I remember him telling his wife that sometimes God provides by sending the wife to work. We don’t always have to depend on everybody else working so hard and giving us money. Maybe it’s time that we do that too. And that just resonated with me. And I thought, you know what? I do have my nursing diploma. I do have the ability to make some money and to help with this. I can help.
One day my supervisor told me about a new day nurse at our juvenile detention center. Keith said, “Bretta, just talk to them. This would get you 8:00 to 5:00.” I would be off on weekends, I would be off on holidays, and I could have more of a normal life.
But who wants to go to jail every day?
So I talked to the jail administrator, and it sounded intriguing. The schedule was wonderful, but the pay was way less. “Keith, are you sure we can do this?” I asked, and he said, “I really, really want you to pray about this. I really want you to be more active in ministry and not miss.” Because I was missing every other Wednesday night. I couldn’t do all the women’s things. I was just not present in a lot of ministry.
Basically half the month I wasn’t even a mom because my days were filled with sleep and work. Keith told me, “This is hard on everybody.” So I left my labor and delivery job, which was fine. I was ready. God always makes you ready. When he wants to move you, he just makes you ready.
So five years ago I went to work at the JDC, taking care of 10 to 18-year-olds. I learned a lot in that job about the world, about mental illness, about dysfunctional families, things that I had lived in a bubble being a minister’s wife. And I had gone to private school and a little bitty nursing school, so I hadn’t experienced a lot-
Janet:
And you only hung out with church people.
Bretta Cochran:
And I only hung out with church people, so I know why God sent me to jail. I had a lot to learn. The adult jail nurse and I worked very close hand-in-hand; when she quit, they asked me to go to the adult jail, where I’ve been the last three years.
My husband always says, “I get to go to church every day while Bretta goes to jail every day!”
Now I’m on call 24/7. Even if I don’t go in, I’m available on the phone to answer questions and determine who needs to go to the ER and who doesn’t, who needs to take this and who needs to take that, what’s approved, what’s not approved. So it’s still a lot, but I do have some downtime in my day.
It’s a much less stressful job, but I still would prefer to be home. I still would prefer to be able to do things. I can’t really get involved in a lot of people’s lives. I just don’t have the time or the energy to do it. Every day is different and very interesting. I really do enjoy it. I don’t want to work, but if I have to work, I’m right exactly where I want to be.
I have a dear friend at work who’s a single mom, and I was telling her about this podcast. “Tell me, just help me think about what are the pros and cons of being a full-time worker,” I asked her. She replied: “I love that you work full-time. I love that you live the life that we live, that you’re not just sitting at home.” When you hear that some women stay at home, you have this picture of what they do all day, the grass is always greener on that other side. But in reality, both are very much hard workers. “But,” she said, “the fact that you’re the pastor’s wife and working an 8:00 to 5:00 job every day like the rest of us and living life and having your struggles with your children or with different things in life–it just makes you more relatable, and I will listen to you because I can relate with you.”
Janet:
That’s an authentic way of living out your faith. You have to depend on the Lord to do all that, just like she’s having to depend on the Lord to be a single mom. There’s definitely somebody watching you and how you are boots on the ground being a real Christian woman with an authentic faith that you’re living out in the workplace.
Bretta Cochran:
Because they also see you when you’re tired and you lose your temper and you’re not patient and you’re not compassionate, and I’m very human.
Janet:
And before we close, I’m going to say that today’s episode of Married to the Ministry is sponsored by a sermon series that you can find on the Love Worth Finding website or app. And I don’t know, Bretta, if you were at Bellevue when Pastor Rogers preached on “A Perfect 10 for Homes that Win”, but it was a series on the 10 Commandments that applied to family life, and I remember how good that was. Click HERE for that sermon series.
Thanks, for talking with me, Bretta. It will make me happy thinking of you going to jail every day, as y’all like to joke about!
Bretta Cochran:
My husband always says, “I get to go to church every day while Bretta goes to jail every day.”
Janet:
Oh, that’s funny. That’s funny. The pastor’s wife’s getting a reputation!
Bretta Cochran:
That’s right. At least let me out at the end of the day—that’s all that matters!
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Didn’t Bretta share some great stuff?
I hope you’ll take the time to listen to this entire conversation on the podcast. You won’t want to miss the part of her story where she shares how she learned to be a pastor’s wife and her addiction to morning quiet times! What a wonderful ministry heart Bretta has, serving her people behind bars every day. God is using her nursing career to influence people to Jesus.
Well, Ministry Sister, thanks for sticking with me this far! Until we get to hang out together next time, let’s keep loving Jesus, loving our husbands and loving our people!
